Kant

Cristina had failed miserably once more her 12th grade math exams, this time at Compostela (see here, here and here). Upon her return from Spain her friend Pedro tried to comfort her. As they got together the following day in a Chamusca's café, Cristina was in tears trying to figure out what to do with her life. She would like to study physical sciences but that was now behind her in view of her reiterated incompetence with numbers and formulas.

It was at this point that Pedro had a great idea. He said to her:

-Listen Cristina, forget about math and physics. The proper course of studies for you is Law. Law, Cristina!

Some hope in her tearful eyes, she looked at Pedro as if begging for an explanation.

Pedro was at the best of his persuasiveness that day:

-You see Cristina, you like to talk, indeed, you are the most talkative person I have ever met. You love words, which is something all of us Portuguese people do. Furthermore, you love difficult words! Therefore, the best choice for you is Law. You can make a living just mixing words, Cristina. Just talking! Have you imagined that? And at any Faculty of Law in this country you can meet the people who talk with the most difficult words on earth! If you go to Coimbra you can even meet Professor Copper...

A hopeful smile slowly showed up on Cristina's face.

-Is math a prerequisite to Law Faculty?, she asked timidly.

-That's the point Cristina, Pedro answered confidently.

She kept looking at him. After a pause, he added:

-You have only to study literature and philosophy, read people like Hegel, Marx, Fernando Pessoa, Saramago, Sartre, Kant...

While Pedro was talking, as Cristina heard the name of Kant she suddenly fell in tears again. Looking at her, Pedro's enthusiasm suddenly broke down.

-What is the matter with you Cristina, why are you crying again?!, he asked.

-Oh, it's because that guy named Cante..., she said while cleaning some tears from her face.

-What's wrong with Kant, Cristina?, Pedro was now puzzled.

-It's because he reminds me of my 11th grade philosophy exam in Chamusca High School..., said Cristina, as tears kept falling down her face again, this time heavily.

His eyes wide open Pedro listened to the story Cristina was about to tell him.

The examination room in Chamusca's High School was full of people that morning, most of them Cristina's friends. She had answered quite well the three first questions that were put to her. Then, the examiner asked her:

-Miss Cristina, just tell me: who wrote The Critique of Pure Reason?

-Aaah ... aaah ... aaah, Cristina murmured.

Three minutes had elapsed. The examiner said:

-OK, Miss Cristina, don't bother. I'll ask you a different question: Who wrote the Critique of Practical Reason?

-The Critique of Practical Reason, Sir?..aaah...aaah...aaah, was Cristina's reaction.

Two more minutes had passed. The examiner broke the silence:

-OK, no problem, Miss Cristina. I'll ask you still a different question: Who wrote the Critique of Judgement?

-Well, the Critique of Judgement...The Critique of Judgement ... well ... that was written by aaah...aaah...aaah..., Cristina said.

As two more minutes elapsed, the examiner about to lose his patience told her:

-Kant, Miss Cristina, Kant!...

A little smile of hope in her eyes Cristina asked candidly:

-Do you really want me to, Sir?

-Yes, Miss Cristina, Kant...

Clearing her throat first, and with an open smile on her face Cristina started thus:

À mulhé dá genti...
É à mulhé dá genti...
E à genti briga por causa...
Dá mulhé da genti...

People in the audience were now getting up from their seats and applauding Cristina wildly. She went on non-stop:

E à genti briga por causa...
Dá mulhé dos outros também...
Mas à mulhé dá genti...
À genti não dá p'rá ninguém..
(Não dá, não...)

Cristina left the examination room with a standing ovation from the audience on the shoulders of her Chamusca's friends. Half a hour later, outside the examination room, before a huge crowd waiting for the news, the jury announced the verdict:

-Cristina Keller: Failed.