left and right

"We are very religious people here at San Antonio, John. We have been a Catholic people for generations. We do believe in miracles. But not two in a row..." .

"Do you mean, señor Calderón, that I might have a gaúcho uncle here at San Antonio?", John asked in disbelief.

"Well John, that has been the question that everybody here has been asking for more than fourty years. Have you ever seen a blonde, blue-eyed gaúcho?"

"No, señor Calderón, though I have been here just for three days..."

"I tell you, John. I have been around for eighty three years now and I have never seen one, except Enrique Galván."

Esteban Calderón was so excited about his thesis, he did not even stop to breath:

"Enrique was borne eight and a half months after we returned from Texas in 1965. We went there as members of the San Antonio Gaúcho Association (Gasa) with a grant from the World Bank to study Texan techniques of herding bulls. There were about thirty of us, including a dozen women. We stayed there for two months."

"Oh, it was then that you met grandfather Culvert for the first time, right?", John asked.

"Yes, and what a nice man he was. He was a handsome man, too. Actually, you look a lot like him. He should be in his early forties by then. We stayed three weeks at your family's farm".

"Did you like it?", John asked with curiosity.

"Sure, we did. Mr. William H. Culvert did not want us to leave. Only later I realized why. Now, just between the two of us, John, he was a very womanizing man, wasn´t he ?"

"I believe so, Mr. Calderón. Actually he talked to me very often and very excitedly about gaúcho women..."

"He should, John, because I now believe that he put his hands on at least three of our women."

"Three in just three weeks?", John asked in dismay.

"Yes. For sure on Dolores, the secretary of our Association. She was such a beautiful woman. She was in her early thirties at the time and all of us gaúchos wanted her. She died two years ago. She had a boyfriend here in San Antonio, a good man called Baltazar Galván who is still around."

"Why are you so sure about Dolores?"

"Because it was she who gave birth to Enrique."

"And what about Mr. Galván?"

"Well, he thought it was a miracle from Nuestra Señora de Fátima."

"Couldn't it be, señor Calderón, a true miracle?", John asked in doubt.

"Yes, it could be. For several years I believed myself it was a miracle, as Dolores was such a difficult woman for a man to get his hands on. But as I watched that boy grow up I could not believe in a second miracle."

"What do you mean, sir?".

Esteban Calderón explained:

"From early childood Enrique was the only gaúcho I have ever seen in my life who behaved like a Texas cowboy. He always liked guns. He is still today the only gaúcho in town who gets up at five in the morning and as he mounts his horse he starts firing off shots left and right. On several occasions he almost killed people".

"And why does that look so strange to you, señor Calderón?"

"Because we gaúchos do not use firearms, John. We do not like guns and shots. For Enrique, though, it seems as if that is on his genes. Enrique must be a cowboy, I have no doubt about that, I bet my neck that he is the son of your grandfather William H. Culvert".

After a pause,

"By the way, John, just answer for me one puzzling question I have been asking myself for many years. What is the meaning of that big H in your grandfather's name?"

"Henry, sir."

"Oh... Henry ... I see ... Henry ... Well, John, it would now take three miracles in a row for Enrique not to be your uncle".